An Okay Day, and Can I handle the Swings?

Had sort of a mini-day, with the family home and my failed attempt to go see Dark Knight (maybe next time I should bring my wallet?). 600 hands 8ptbb/100.

So I did fine, and my # for the month is still hovering around 9ptbb/100 despite the bad day yesterday. The thing is that I'm still kinda crushed from my "big" downswing. It's funny, despite understanding the variance involved, despite playing 100s of thousands of hands since starting play online, whenever I make serious efforts to build bankroll I get emotionally involved when I have even minor up and down swings. Every time I have a huge week I start dreaming about hiring an au pair and playing full time. Every time I have a day like yesterday I start thinking about moving back down and being careful, making sure I have enough to keep playing .1/.25 et cetera.

I had to work really hard my first couple years playing to control my emotions at the table (not get upset about specific hands, not get involved with strategy discussions with the fish, et cetera), but it seems in a meta-sense I'm not fully there yet. I obviously shouldn't be getting upset about dropping a few buyins in a day. I'm hoping that meeting my August goals will help. 20k in a month will be my biggest month in terms of hands played that I'll have in my 4+ years playing. The fact is that pure volume is what helped me control myself as much as I do now, and I'm hoping that the numbing aspect of 1k hands a day for a month will do the same for the fluctuations of the roll.

After all, I've had years of the adrenaline rush...what I want now is the monies...